A Few Things I Learned About Life From My Mother, Kit Harting

by Jennifer Christian MD

adapted May 2005 from a eulogy given May 2002

Caveat: some of these things I actually learned from both my parents.

Pets
I learned to be kind to animals. I remember one day while I was in elementary school, the family pet, a mutt named Lady, went into labor, birthing a litter of puppies. Mom persuaded Lady to lie in a box right with us in the living room, and I can see her speaking solicitously to Lady, stroking her tenderly, reassuring her. I can see her talking kindly to and calmly stroking the cats, too, particularly Mama Cat. These memories are very strong. In this aspect of life, as in many others, she taught me what to do, not with words, but by doing it herself.

Being Touched
I learned both to receive love and to express love through touch by being touched lovingly as a child. Mom kissed and hugged and caressed us daily. But there were also head rubs, ear rubs, forehead rubs, back rubs – Mom did them for us, we did them for her. I remember the smell of alcohol she used to give me a back rub when I was sick and had a high fever. She gave us head rubs to get to sleep at night or naptime. As a group, we became so expert at rubs, we developed varieties: -- “do you want a ‘rubby’ or a ‘pinchy’ or a ‘tickly’ back rub?” we would say. I remember begging to brush her hair, and she would lie on the bed with her head at the edge and her dark brown hair hanging over the bed, and we would brush and brush and brush. I get sad when I think of this woman who loved being touched having so little physical contact for decades. I am so glad that we held her hand and brushed her hair and hugged and kissed her during that last week.

Motherhood
I learned about mothering from my mother. I learned it by being mothered myself, and by watching her mother my siblings. Kit Harting took being a mother very seriously, loved it, felt it was a tremendously important responsibility, and I imbibed that view from her. When we were young, I think she may have felt we were works of art she was creating. So, it was clear to me all along that I wanted to be a mother – who wouldn’t want this almost sacred opportunity? And, when my children were born, I was more confident right from the start than many of my new-mother friends. I knew how to rock and pat a baby to soothe it because I’d seen it done; I knew how to find a quiet place to nurse the baby because I’d seen it done; I knew how to make sure the baby has a routine with regular meals and enough sleep, because I’d seen it done.

There have been a few times in my life when because of physical separation I haven’t been able to participate in the daily lives of my children. The longings I felt at those times enabled me to retrospectively see the love Mom was expressing through the simple tasks of cooking family breakfasts and dinners every day, and chauffering me to and from driving me to and from ballet lessons, and listening to my stories of what’s happening at school. I now can see these as the simple little daily acts of devotion and service they were. Although neither she nor I turned out to be perfect mothers, Kit Harting’s example taught me to desire, to honor, and to enjoy my role as mother.

Words and Language
I learned the joy of playing with language from Mom. Three examples leap to mind: Vocabulary, Tut language and charades.

Mom’s vocabulary was large, and she encouraged us to express ideas with exactly the right word. I remember being hurt because Mom would laugh to hear me mispronouncing a new word I’d only seen in print – but I kept trying because it was clear that the grown-ups in our house had masterful vocabularies, and I wanted one, too.

Thinking of Tut language makes me smile. I remember listening to it around Christmas time when we were little. To me, it combines family tradition and playing with language all in one. I think Grammy Hammond taught Mom Tut language, and I remember that Mom taught it to me when I was 13, and I would have taught it to Sam when he was 13 if he hadn’t been so smart he figured it out a year or two early simply by listening!

Mom made charades so much fun. She was totally uninhibited in acting out words, was fiercely competitive but loved every well-played minute by any player, and was really good at expressing herself. She taught me how to throw myself completely into the game. I have memories of playing charades that are among the most exhilarating and fully-lived moments in my memory. In particular, there was one time when Kat and I were in late elementary or maybe junior high, and we joined our parents and the Rosenstocks in a game of charades. I still remember the thrill Mom got out of Kathy and me stopping Rusty Rosenstock cold by giving him “Serutan is nature spelled backwards”

Aesthetics
Don has already spoken about Mom’s love of beauty, so I will only briefly say that I am grateful for the sensitivity to aesthetic beauty that I either inherited or learned from her. She introduced me to dance, music, and natural beauty, all of which have added depth and richness to my life.
Music
Color
Natural beauty
Flower arranging
Cooking
Home decoration