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Hi! I am
the Rev. Michael Heath and this is the Pine Ridge Pastoral Counseling
Web Page.
Pine Ridge is a place for folks who are looking for the best care but who are turned off by
large clinics or impersonal HMO facilities.
We offer a distinctive and
more personal alternative to the mass market approach while providing a
comprehensive range of psychological services to help individuals,
couples and families deal with a wide range of emotional, relational,
life phase, crisis related and spiritual problems.
This web site is a place to
learn more about our services and to find information about questions you may have
concerning counseling and psychotherapy.
Below is a short list that
covers the basics, but if you have something you have been wondering
about that is not listed, please contact me and I will be glad to help
you.
Information about me and my professional
background here.
IF
YOU WANT TO CONTACT ME:
E-mail: mheath@dreamscape.com
Phone (315) 637-0605
FAX (315) 637-5009
EDUCATIONALPROGRAMS
( A Partial list)
Marriage
and Family
-Before You Say I Do : A Check List
for
Those Considering Tying the Knot
-Coming Apart at the Seams:
A Guide for Understanding and Coping with Marital Stress
-Understanding and Handling
Family Conflict
-Intimate Communication - a
Communication Skills Primer
-Warning Signs : When to
Seek Help
-Understanding and Dealing
with Infidelity
-Surviving Divorce
-Re-marrying: How to Know
When You're Ready
Parenting
-Basic Parenting
Skills
-Dealing with Angry Kids
-The Empty Nest and How to Cope
-So your Child is Gay
-TV, the Internet, Video Games and the Responsible Parent
-Understanding Adolescent Sexuality
Love
and Attraction
-Are You My
Type? ( A Look at Meyers Briggs and Dating)
-Breaking the Ice - Tips for Single Adults
-Starting Over : Dating Afer Divorce
-The Ecology of Romance: Understanding the neuro-chemistry and
psycho-dynamics of love
-Getting and Keeping the Love You Want(Exploring Harville Hendrix's
approach to partnership and love)
-The Essentials: the Necessary Ingredients in Lasting Relationships
-Living Single in a Coupled World
-Men and Women: Understanding the differences ( Reviewing the ideas of
Deborah Tannen, John Grey and Lilian Glass)
-Romantic Myths and Realistic Expectations
Psychology/
Health and Fitness
-Dealing with
Anxiety, Panic and Feeling Overwhelmed
-The Forgiveness Myth: The importance of anger in healing
-Inner Stress Management
-How to Chose a Therapist
-Self Care: an
Owners Manual
-Self - Esteem: How its lost ; How its regained
-Understanding and Responding to Anxiety and Depression in the elderly
-How Bad is it : Knowing When It Is Time to Seek Professional Help:
-Stop Dieting! How Increasing SelfAwareness Will Help You Lose Weight
Sexuality
-A Seasoned Life
- Sexuality in the Later Years ( a commentary on Gail Sheehy's The
Seasoned Woman for men and women)
-Sex Education for Adults
-Sexual Attraction in Everyday life: Understanding the Urges and
Keeping the Boundaries
-Understanding Sexual Diversity and Christian Concerns:
Spirituality
-The Human Soul:
an Owner's Manual ( Reflections on Thomas Moore's Care of the Soul)
-If I Really Believe : Understanding the Relationship between
Spirituality and Psychotherapy
-Paradise Lost: Understanding and Mending the Rift between Spirituality
and Sex
-Psychology and Christian Beliefs: A Shared Vision or Cultures in
Conflict?
Theology
and Culture in Literature, TV and the
Movies
-The DaVinci
Code: Fact and Fiction / Coverup and Suppression in the
Early church
- Sex and the City
- The Sopranos
- Six Feet Under
- Big Love
-The L Word
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June 13,2008
--
Planning your wedding
Don't forget
your Relationship:
The
Essentials
Every
year about this time many
couples
begin planning for their
wedding.
Preparation often takes
over
a year. There is a lot to do.
Getting
a hall for the reception,
planning
the music, selecting the
dresses,
choosing the food, the
flowers,
photography, china
patterns
and on and on.
It
is ironic that so much time,
effort and money is spent getting
ready
for the wedding event and
so
little is dedicated to learning
about
how to live together as a
married
couple after the ceremony.
Studies
show that couples who
make
the effort to learn about
marriage
before hand fare much
better
down the road. Here are
three essential
areas every
couple
needs to know about
before they say “I do” .
Rev.
Heath’s Pre-marital Essentials
1.
Getting to Know One Another
-- Personality Styles
-- Emotional
Wounds
-- Areas
of Compatibility,
Differences
and
Conflicts
Religious Beliefs and Values
Life Goals and Children
2.
Fundamental Skills
Communicating
-
Speaking directly
-
Decoding emotional
messages
Negotiating:
Roles
and the Marital
“Contract”
--Household responsibilities
-- Sex
-- Managing Money
Compromising
and Conflict
Resolution
-- Accepting differences
-- Ground rules for fighting
3.
Realistic Expectations:
What Marriage
Is Really Like
--Bursting
Romantic Myths
--Getting
the facts
These remarks were
prepared by Rev.
Michael Heath,LMCH,
Fellow AAPC
for Bridge Street .. 6/13/2008
*************************
NEWS !
June 3, 2008 --
Videos of Rev. Heath's regular appearances on Bridge Street, his popular mental
health segment "It's All
Relational, " can now be viewed or downloaded by going to www.9wsyr.com
and selecting "search video" and typing in "Michael Heath" in the
search box. Podcasts are available for the show's previous twelve
month period.
(Bridge Street is produced by the the Syracuse
NY affiliate of the ABC network,
Chanel 9 WSYR.)
Outlines and text for past segments will be available here. Please be
patient though - past shows will be uploaded as soon as possible.
__________________________
Next Show - June 13, 2008
Previous show - May 9, 2008
When Worlds Collide: Role Conflicts between Mom and Wife
Mother’s Day is certainly a time for flowers and cards and
kind words of appreciation but it is
also an excellent opportunity to address a common difficulty found in
many marriages: the
conflicting roles of mother and wife. If we really want to honor
moms we need to better
understand the difficult obstacles women face when they try to
coordinate the complex and
sometimes contradictory roles of mother and lover.
Women have been acculturated to tolerate and not complain about
unreasonable or even impossible challenges. The simple limits of time
and energy plus the conflicting demands of these divergent jobs (e.g.
having to clean up after Tommy throws up or checking Suzy’s homework
and also being in the mood to be a hot seductress in the bedroom) can
create marital squabbles which are confusing and difficult to sort
out. Here are some tips to help families better understand and
more successfully deal with these these conflicts.
-- Express your awareness
of the difficulty of her job and appreciation for what she does: Moms
generally don’t mind sacrificing but it is no fun to be unappreciated
or taken for granted. Many of the things moms do on a daily basis
require special effort and forgoing things they would like to do.
Sometimes families become so accustomed to this extra effort that they
take it for granted
and forget to say thanks.
-- Re-Assess your Expectations:
There are only twenty-four hours in the day. Many young
couple’s beliefs are unrealistic about how much can be to juggled in a
family. Women, as well as men, often expect too much from mom,
i.e. they think she can do more than is realistic. Moms are expected to
be a combination of June Cleaver, Nancy Pelosi and Angelina
Jolie. No matter how much a person tries, no one can do it
all. There is simply not enough time or energy. Having realistic
expectations help couples pare their must-do lists to more reasonable
levels.
-- Communicate and Negotiate:
It is not fair to automatically assume Mom will do all the
sacrificing and doing without. It is important to realize that
each couple is free to make decisions
which are right for them. There is no one or right way. It is all
negotiable. Sometimes things you want to do with your partner
will have to wait because of the kids. At other times a
couple’s needs will take precedence over the kids. And at other
times individual needs must come first. Whatever the decision, the
process of open discussion increases the odds of making good choices
that wear well.
-- Learn to Prioritize and
Sequence: Managing conflicting obligations is just like being at
the bakery:
--Take a Number
-- Get In Line
-- Wait Your Turn
Your obligations need to take a number, get in line and wait
their turn. Figuring out what is most important and what needs to
be done first helps other jobs to fall into place. With planning
and a calender, familial, marital and individual needs can be addressed
— but not all at the same time. Although its frustrating to wait,
remembering that your number will eventually come up helps us to
cope. Learning to wait your turn becomes easier with practice.
While many believe that good families just work naturally, the fact is
the natural state is conflict. The more couples realize that it
takes hard work to coordinate the multiple roles involved in family
life, the better chance they have to successfully coordinate
them.
The Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow AAPC , prepared these
remarks for Bridge Street -- May 9,2008
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QUESTION OF THE
MONTH:
Can
I really talk to
a minister and be honest about sensitive issues like sex or other
embarrassing topics?
A: Yes
... but I
understand and am sensitive to the question and want to respond in some
detail. Many people think ministers are moralistic and judgmental about
sex. Many feel ministers are not good resources for talking over sexual
problems because they have the impression that they are uncomfortable with the
subject or that somehow God doesn't like it or that it is just not a
nice thing to discuss. This is especially true if one isn't married.
Others believe that even when clergy do talk about sex that they are
not particularly direct or honest or helpful in what they have
say.
Unfortunately, all of
these stereotypes are true to some extent for some ministers but
I would add but not all. Since human sexuality is one of my
professional specialties, I am committed to addressing and correcting
each of these false images and being known as an "ask-able" pastoral
counselor. To demonstrate this I wish to share a little about my
experience, ministerial and professional affiliation and personal
theology/philosophy.
As a
psychotherapist it is important to know that I am very experienced and
have worked in the areas of human sexuality, sex education and sex
therapy for 28 years.
Talking
about sex is tricky for anyone especially
if one isn't confident they he or she won't be heard in an
understanding way. Of course that is true for any topic. With a
variety of TV preachers and right wing "Christian" political activists
in the media, it is particularly confusing to know how well or open
minded a pastoral counselor would be. Thus, it is important to know
that I am trained through the American Association Pastoral Counselors
which is an organization which is committed to hearing each client
without criticizing, judging or imposing any sectarian moral
standards.
Further,
as a minister I belong to the United Church of Christ which is
well known for its progressive and
affirming beliefs regarding sexuality. Also since there are so many
false, negative and guilt inducing messages about sex in our culture, I
am committed to communicating accurate information as well as to
dispel false notions and misleading myths. In addition to promoting
healthy attitudes about sex, I am also equally committed to removing
all sexual ignorance and prejudice which perpetuates discrimination
between men and women or hatred toward folks of different sexual
orientations.
Personally,
my understanding of theology does not separate sexuality from
spirituality nor hold it in lower regard. Specifically, when a sexual
issue is present, I believe it is my job and professional obligation to
listen carefully with understanding and caring. I am trained to
see how their issues are problematic and assist them in looking
at the various options available for resolving
their concerns.
Finally,
with respect to embarrassment, it has been my experience that clients
can overcome their initial embarrassment and talk freely about issues
they may have never spoken about before. Further, I have
found that once it is understood that it is okay to talk about things
which were once felt to be taboo or dirty, clients have a powerful and
liberating experience.
If you
have any further concerns that you would like to explore, I will be
glad to assist you.
Here Are Some Other
Frequently Asked Questions:
- Do
you have to be crazy to see a counselor?
- What
is the difference between a counselor, therapist and a psychiatrist?
- What
is Pastoral Counseling?
- How
much does it cost?
- How
long does it take?
- What
kind of problems are treated?
- What
about drugs; are they a substitute for therapy?
- What
methods do you employ in your counseling approach?
- Is
your approach solution focused and short term?
- What
about insurance and HMO's and Medicaid?
- Is
what I say to a counselor confidential?
- Q:
Can I really talk to a minister and be honest about sensitive issues
like sex or other embarrassing topics ?
- Where
are your offices located?
- When
do you see clients and do you have evening and weekend appointments?
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